On Doing Nothing

Let me begin by saying that I realize that my current situation is a blessing. I understand that having nothing to do yet not to worry about finances (because I saved) or the future (I have a great job waiting for me in Hong Kong) is some people's idea of happiness. I know this. I am not an ingrate.

What I am though is restless.

Everyday I think of something to do and my days are packed with mundane tasks like getting haircuts and playing badminton. But however "busy" my day is, I get this nagging feeling that I'm neither here nor there. I'm stuck in the middle of two phases in my life.

I am in limbo.

These last 10 weeks have been fun, but they have also been artificial. I'm not meant to sit around all day and watch French movies (despite how brillant they may be). I think that I was built to read contracts, negotiate deals, argue points. Being on break is restful, but it's not real life.

And I'm wasting my time.

I feel that I'm not applying myself, that my analytical skills are being wasted on Sudoku, my eye-hand coordiation once used to type dozens of words a minute is now wasted on PacMan (I'm up to 87,640 by the way).

I've come to realize though that I need to change my attitude towards this seemlingly unwelcome vacation. I need to consider this down time as something meaningful in itself. Not just a break between chapters of my life, but a period of rest in itself. Valuable time to spend with family and friends. Time to eat healthy and exercise. Time to read all those books I own but never get a chance to go through.

I need to let go and start enjoying myself.