Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Jona The Exercise Retard

Today I spent 45 minutes on a treadmill. It was one of the most difficult things I've ever done in my life. And no, it was not an exhaustion issue. I've been playing badminton, I'm (only) 31. My endurance levels are still passable.

It was the simple act of running/walking on the moving belt that I had serious difficulty with. I just don't know how to do it. I go too slow or I go too fast. I cannot seem to "get" the right pace. Also, I am certain my technique (whatever the hell it is) is wrong. Why? Because I get vertigo after each set. This while I bring down the pace ever so slowly when getting off the damned thing.

The simple truth is that I am physically challenged in this respect. Just like my blind side on questions involving patterns and spatial analysis (how the f*ck am I supposed to know what follows the cube with three sides shaded in) I cannot seem to master the technique of running in place.

There's something about the rhythm of the treadmill that I can't seem to match. I am perpertually out of sync. I'm like a magnetized compass, an uncalibrated meter, a machine you need to quadrate then recalibrate....

I'm pretty sure you're thinking: Oh save the hifalutin hogwash, Jona.

You can't run for sh*t.

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