Jona’s Vocabulary

1. “No judgment.”

Something you say after you’ve expressed an apparently critical, but otherwise objectively accurate statement.

Example:

Tyra Banks is so feeling; no judgment. Hitler is guilty of genocide; no judgment.

2. 2000

Makes any adjective (although sometimes used with a noun) a super superlative.

Example:

Sadness 2000. (What you feel after your pet dies.)
Init 2000 (What you’d say on a hot day in April.)
Puson 2000 (How you would describe your tummy when you’re bloated.)
Feeling 2000 (How you would describe Tyra Banks.)

3. VG

Short for “very good”. Most appropriate as deadpan response to unbelievably good news. Useful when sending SMS messages, but may also be used in regular conversations.

Example:

‘‘Jona, this is Brandon Routh. I’m on my way to pick you up for a night of debauchery. Afterwards, I’m giving you 2 gazillions dollars.”

“VG”

4. Wait! or Stop!

Can be used interchangeably to interrupt someone speaking (the person speaking could be yourself) to veer the conversation into another direction.

Example:

Me: "So that's how the movie ended, with Tom Cruise jumping off.... Wait! I need to tell you about my dream last night. I dreamt I was being chased by this headless horseman..."

Person I'm speaking with: "Stop! When are we going to plan the baby shower?"

5. Ok, goodbye.

Said sternly, and with purpose. It is how I end all phone calls with my law school friends. Initially it sounds like I’m mad or something, but it’s supposed to be funny. Not many people get this one.

6. Parang, no./Parang, yes.

Said as a response to stupid questions that should not be asked because the answer is obvious.

Example:

Q: “Do you want to watch Tyra?”
A: “Parang, no.”

Q: “Do you want another beer?”
A: "Parang, yes."