On Flaking

I am a classic flaker.

I will make plans to go on that Bora getaway, accept the invitation to that dinner party, text back, "Sure!" to the question of "Drinks later?"

Then when the time comes, I flake.

Something has come up. Can't get out of work right now. I'm not feeling too well. I'll be in Singapore that weekend. Super traffic and that place is all the way across town. I have a family dinner.

I've used up all the excuses in the book and my friends are tired of it. I am tired of it. I should just say no when I have the chance. Or use the Filipino favorite, "I'll try to follow."

But no, I keep on saying yes, then I keep on flaking.

I flake because fundamentally, I'd rather be doing something else. I choose to flake. And that's the painful honest truth about flaking. It's never circumstance (although I say it is), it's always me.

My friends have long known how to interpret my affirmative responses to invitations. Jona saying yes means she heard you, made a note of the event, but that yes is not a confirmation of attendance, it's simply an acknowledgement. Like 10-4 or Copy That.

Recently, I've had the yucky (see how articulate I am) experience of being on the receiving end of flaky behavior. Instead of being the "flaker" I was the "flakee".

Being the flakee sucks (again, note my facility with words). You look forward to seeing that someone, attending that dinner, having that drink. You get all excited then someone flakes on you. And you feel so disappointed.

Today I got flaked on by that someone again.

Maybe I should just get with the program: Flaking is a choice. And the choice is not me.