Jobing at metlog

This is an excerpt from my chat with S., wife to Wonder and mother of the boy-genius Carlson (my godson). The text has been edited for brevity, clarity and to correct spelling errors. But the punch lines are real. You can’t make this stuff up.

S: Wonder is travelling to London, will be in Hong Kong from Saturday to Tuesday.

J: Why will Wonder be here till Tues?

S: Yeah. wala lang. stopover ng cathay ang hk di ba?

J: yeah... but layovers don't usually take 4 days

S: well, he asked me until when i can take a leave, and i said probably tuesday

J: i see... and where pray tell were you intending to stay?

S: why, at 168 apartments of course!
128?
186?

[Note to reader: my apartment building’s street number, from where it gets its name, is 338.]

J: HAHAHAHA
sige pa

S: [expletive S. had me delete] ano nga ba apartment mo?
I know there's a 2
and an 8
it's 3 numbers
there are not that many permutations. This is not rocket science.

J: I am laughing out loud.

S: 128

J: It's 338.

S: of course not! you are misleading me on purpose!
It is 128.

J: don't you think i'd know where i live?

S: right. 338. ok. Fine.
STOP

S: i have a new bading word

J: what?

S: well first it was "anik-anik"

J: what does that mean?

S: which means, uhm, abubot

J: ok

S: or nonsense
as in "anong laman ng bag mo?"
"ay, anik anik lang"
"or anong laman ng contrata?"
"anik anik"
the new one i learned is "chak chack candy"
or is it chuck chuck candy?

J: I feel a blog coming on

S: ha ha ha
but do you know what it means?

J: um, hello?

S: so do you?
It sounds like chuk chak chienes

J: I think it’s pronounced chook chak tienes

S: fine

J: which just means "tienes", which just means "nothing"

S: so how do you spell chack chack candy? or C.C.C.
i am planning to use it in a sentence, as in
"wonder, may plano ba tayong mag chak chak candy?"
stop, it's so bastos. grabe!

J: so it means sex?

S: yep

J: i see. i love it

S: di ba? eh yung "wiz"

J: ano yun?

S: wala. as in "may alam ka ba diyan?"
"wiz"
except you prolong it -- so it's like saying wiiiiiz

J: do you prolong the "i" or the "z"?
i see

S: unless you string it with other words, like, "wiz ako alam diyan."

S: before the year ends bading na jologs na ako, i swear

J: so you will become a jo-bing?

S: gasp!
di ko alam yan!
jologs na bading!

S: you just invented that, no?

J: it's been around for ages [Note to reader: Yes, I just invented it. But S. didn't know that -- until now.]

like metlog -- metrosexual na jologs

S: oo nga, i think i should blog about this