The Socially Inept Strike Again

I don't like wakes. Not for the obvious reason (i.e. dead person in the room). I don't like wakes because I don't do very well at them.

I get awkward; I don't know what to say so I end up being uncharacteristically quiet. When I do say something though, I say the stupidest, most inappropriate thing.

To illustrate: I was at a wake of a friend's mom a few years ago. January 2004 to be exact. I remember because I'd just gotten my new car. Was so proud of it. Could talk about nothing else at that time. So I walk in the gate of my friend's house (they're old school: wake held at home) and tables and chairs have been set up along the concrete driveway. I see my friends seated at the back.

As I'm making my way to the end of the driveway, one of them calls out to me: "O? Dala mo ba ang bago mong kotse?"

I reply, "Siempre. It's right out front."

Now the gate was open and you could see some of the cars parked on the street. So my friend asks, "Alin dyan?"

I point to my shiny new baby and answer with the accurate although inappropriate:

"Ayun, o. Yung kabaong gold na Escape."

I was mortified. Did I just say "kabaong gold" at a wake? In front of so many people I don't know? Where my friend's mother's coffin was in fact tinted gold? Am I the biggest idiot in the world?

Don't answer that.

Tonight I was at a wake . Again, a close friend's mom. Again, I was at a loss on what to say. Do you really have to ask how the person passed? Because I don't really want to know. I go to wakes to let my friends know that I'm there for them during difficult times. I want to show support, a friendly face in a sea of relatives. But if it were completely up to me, I would never bring up the deceased's medical history.

So in true socially inept form, I started talking about my new job. I used to work at the the same firm with my friend whose mom passed, so there were plenty of lawyers at the chapel. We talked shop and would invariably get to discussing my new job. I ended up hogging every conversation I had tonight, talking about this new job of mine. It was like I was a radio DJ afraid of dead air (no pun intended, really). I just chatted everyone up. It was a complete disaster.

I think my social graces have hit a dead end. (Ok, now that one was intended.)