No Pets Allowed

Please don't get me wrong: it's not that I hate domestic animals. Sometimes they're cute and loyal and look eerily like their owners. I will never harm or mistreat them. In fact, I've been known to scratch the back of a dog's ears now and then. But I will never take a domestic animal into my home.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the simple truth is that I don't like pets. There, I said it out loud.

Growing up I had a few. A couple of gold fish. Two miniature lobsters (Rocky and Thermidore). I took care of them during the course of their natural lives. At the time of his demise, Rocky had grown to over six inches. Making him a regular sized prawn instead of a petite lobster.

But I never really took to them, not like the way my friends felt towards their pets. It was like I was given an unwanted Tamagochi for Christmas and I felt obligated to take care of the creature.

According to my friends my aversion towards pets is because I never really had an "interactive" one growing up. Like a cat or a dog. I say, "buti na lang". I can't see myself having a relationship with a being not in my species. Whose poop I need to clean up. Who cannot converse on the subtle differences among the house brews of Figaro, Starbucks and Seattle's Best (Figaro forever).

When I was a kid, I asked my mom why we never had pets like other people. She said it was because my father was allergic to animal hair. I accepted this explanation. Why wouldn't I? A few years after that though, I saw my Dad pet a dog. Turns out Daddy dearest isn't really allergic. He just doesn't like pets either.

It's amazing how the domestic animal lobby has made it almost a sin to say that you don't like pets. As if not liking them is something you should be ashamed of. Like a third arm. I guess we've been bombarded with too many "boy and his dog" movies that we should consider it natural for people to take a liking towards pets.

Someone should stand up for non-pet lovers. Someone brave enough to say, "No, we don't like pets. They make lots of noise. They smell bad and leave hair everywhere."

Now stop looking at me like that. I'm just allergic.