It's graduation time again, and you know what that means -- our Inboxes are full of commencement speeches from celebrities worth billions who talk about failure. Politicians who talk about integrity. Teachers who spent their whole lives in a classroom telling us to dream.
Well, here's my go at a commencement address --
Like yourself, because no one will like you more (with the possible exception of your mother but she doesn't count). And to like yourself means that you need to do all the cool things you wanted to do when you were a kid.
Stay healthy, because getting sick sucks.
Save money, so you can say "f*ck you" to some a**hole who didn't treat you nicely.
Drive an SUV if you want to. Global warming is coming whether we like it or not, and there is nothing you can do about it.
Love someone so much you get lightheaded because you stop breathing.
And after every meal, say "Thank you."
Ok, speech over. Let's call out the 2,000 plus names now, so we can all start eating at a decent hour.
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