Which is better, the book or the movie?

I recently watched two movies that were adapted from books. Books I'd happen to read as well.

A couple of weeks ago I saw "Running with Scissors" a film adapted from Augusten Burrough's memoir, and "Shop Girl" screenplay by Steven Martin adapted from his novella.

For both these movies, the operative word that describes their relationship with the books they were based on is "adapted". These movies generally follow the plotline on the back cover of the books they were based on, but that's about it. After that, the similarities end.



At least Shop Girl (the movie) tried to carry-over the stillness of Martin's novella. The plot unfolded slowly and even the individual scenes were always a couple of seconds longer than they ought to be. Running With Scissors (the movie) didn't even bother to capture the book's mood. It just told the story of a boy with an insane mother who was brought up in the household of his mother's equally unstable psychiatrist. Sure that's what the book is about, but that's like saying "War and Peace" is a book about war and peace.

How to make a perfect grilled ham and cheese sandwich

You will need:

• Two slices of ham (the sandwich ham type you find in any grocery, not the fancy kind)
• Two slices of cheese (preferably pre-packed "singles")
• Two slices of bread (preferably the fluffy "Japanese" variety. FYI, in Hong Kong, they sell white bread on a "tingi" basis (4 slices in a bag))
• Butter (the real kind, not the fake stuff)
• Mayo (the real kind, not the fake stuff)
• A spatula

Procedure:

1. Spread butter on one face of each of the slices of bread.
2. On the other face, spread some mayo.
3. "Build sandwich" such that it goes: bread (butter out mayo in), cheese, ham, ham, cheese bread (mayo in, butter out)
4. Heat pan.
5. When pan is hot enough, drop in sandwich. Wait for one side of the sandwich to toast, hasten process by flattening sandwich with spatula.
6. Flip sandwich with spatula and grill other side.

Put on plate, enjoy. Eat with your hands, but with a good thick napkin, since if you do this right, cheese will melt and get gooey.

What's been bugging me lately

• Dubya saved Scooter
• Benedict brought back Latin masses (A big step backward if you asked me. I would have thought he was a smarter fellow. I'd like to think humankind develops by moving forward. By improving, evolving. You can't bring back policy like you do platform shoes or bossa nova music.)
• P. won't eat
• The weather (it's crazy hot in HK now)
• Why Muslims are so accepting of violence.
• Why black people in America think the world owes them something.
• I can't control everything.
• I can't have everything.

Happy Birthday Wonder Spot

365 days ago I decided to start a blog.

I remember the day distinctly. I was very bored and I had just gotten into this habit of reading other people's blogs. I figured I could do it too -- only better.

(Cf. many previous posts on my lack of humility)

And so here we are, 365 days and 360 posts later.

Stupid human tricks

I think we've all seen the turkey callers on the Late Show so we know what I'm talking about.

If I had to join I'm not sure what I would do.

I could crack my neck and make the scariest of sounds. (Sometimes even I get freaked out by the almost gruesome sounds that come out of my joints.)

I could go on eating one kind of food for weeks (but this wouldn't play too well in a 3 minute segment in a talk show). I could eat a dozen eggs (I think I could do that in 3 minutes.).

I could catch eggs. (Oddly enough, I can do this extraordinarily well. If you have a Christmas party with this as one of the games, I'm the partner of your dreams. -- This does not sound right on many levels, but what the hey.)

I could balance two forks on two toothpicks. (But this isn't really a stupid human trick, more of a really smart bar trick.)

The first line of my obituary

Look up the word "obituary" and you get this: a notice of someone's death; usually includes a short biography.

Those unbelievably tacky ads you see in The Manila Bulletin (why do they need those borders?!), those that people over the age of 50 read everyday, those are not obits. Those are "death notices". Those really poignant one pagers that the NYT churns out when someone like Bob Hope dies (seconds after a death is announced), those are obits.

I'm working on mine (because I want it be perfect and funny and will make you want to cry). So far here's what I have:

The sometimes funny, oftentimes grumpy lawyer Jona B. is dead at 104.

The Joy of Summers

They're called Summer Associates or just "Summers".

They're law school students who apprentice at the firm during the summer months for anywhere between 3 to 9 weeks. During this time, we (the regular associates) are mandated to "socialize" with them, at the firm's expense.

And the budgets are ridiculous. US$50 for lunch and US$80 for dinner (per head). In HK, that's a lot of money (or a lot of lobster).

I've been trying to get started on a diet for trip to the beach I've been planning next month. The Summer lunches are not helping.

The whole Summer Associate program is one big recruitment extravaganza. You treat the law school kids out to fancy restaurants, treat them like lawyers and woo them to join the firm. The whole point is to get the best and the brightest through your doors. And the only way to do that is to pamper their asses off. Pretty straightforward concept, right?

Wrong.

This whole concept of recruitment is lost on the Perm. Back there, you get invited to one hiring cocktail party and you get to have one semi-fancy lunch after your interview.

And I just heard from N. that the Perm's scrapped the post-interview lunch.

So much for continuity. Great work, L.

My new French boyfriend

His name is Francois. He makes movies.

And he's mine. All mine. I found him first.

The Cure is coming

The Cure is coming to Hong Kong.

For those readers who don't know who The Cure are (Hi Dad!), they're an English band that was popular in the 1980's. They are now technically "laos" because they haven't produced a new album in years, but I never really liked their new stuff.

That also means they'll sing their old songs.

S. and W.B. are coming over and we'll be watching the show together.

Excited.

The elephant in the room

I've been busy.

Insanely busy the last month.

And I also sort of got tired of blogging.

But I was more busy than bored.

Been doing other stuff (caught up with my quota of foreign flicks, been reading, taking what Bridget Jones would call "mini-breaks").

I'm thinking of buying a digital SLR.

Why I won't go to the gym

Every person has his or her own reason for not going to the gym. Most of them fall into the following catergories:

• It's boring. How can you you walk on the same 3 foot surface for an hour watching bad tv? It's just too monotonous to sustain.
• It's embarassing. I don't like exercising in front of other people. People are constantly checking you out and judging you.
• It's expensive. Why pay so much money when you can just walk around outside?
• It's inconvenient. Getting to and from the gym is such a hassle and eats up my time.

Well, these are all very valid and reasonable excuses I mean, explanations. But mine is more simple, more pure, more absolute.

I'm lazy.

Jona's Ten Worst Romantic Comedies*

*No paticular order. These movies are foul. Stay away!!

1. America's Sweethearts
2. Laws of Attraction
3. Catch and Release
4. Family Stone
5. Along Came Polly (so bad I could not start it)
6. Monster in Law (so bad I could not finish it)
7. Rumor Has It
8. Shall We Dance (not really a romantic comedy, but this one should go on any "Worst List")
9. There's Something (really bad) About Mary (actual title)
10. Jerry McGuire (my all time, hands down, most hatest movie ever -- am I getting the point across?)

11 Variations of Friar John's Failure

I watched my first play in Hong Kong. And it wasn't half bad! It was actually very interesting; it was worth watching if just for the premise.

The play suggests 11 explanations for why Friar John, the supposed messenger sent by Friar Lawrence to Romeo did not make it Mantua in time. Remember Friar Lawrence was the one that gave Juliet the potion to make her "die". The plan was for Friar Lawrence to send a messenger to Romeo to let him know that Juliet was not dead (but only sleeping). The messenger never made it. Romeo thought Juliet was dead, so he killed himself in anguish. When Juliet woke up and saw the dead Romeo, she stabs herself as well.

And so ends what is arguably the most tragic love story in English literature.

But why does the messenger fail? And what would have happened if he made it?

The playwright suggests 11 explanations. The play's a comedy, so most of it really is kalokohan. In one sketch, Robin Hood steals the letter. In another, in an adaptation from the book, Tom Sawyer cons the Friar into painting the fence.

The ending was a little disappointing. If the messenger makes it, then the play is no longer a tragedy and its entire charm is lost. Happy endings are great in real life, but corny in drama.

(Aside: this was the same conflict in Stranger than Fiction but there you really ended up rooting for the character and hoping that the author would not kill him off even if saving the hero meant destroying the novel.)

Jona's top 10 favorite romantic comedies*

10. Cutting Edge

9. Sleepless in Seattle

8. The American President

7. Four Weddings and a Funeral

6. Sweet Home Alabama

5. Notting Hill

4. About a Boy

3. Bed of Roses

2. Pretty Woman

1. Serendipity

*Walang ko-kontra. I know some of these movies are crap. But I love all of them anyway.

Your porn name

Is your second (or third) given name and combined where the street where you lived as a child.

My porn name is...

(drumroll please)

Alicia Cuenco.

I think it's brilliant.

Try it out and see.

Lessons in history

I finished History Boys last night. The film touched on the philosophical fabric of the series of events we call "history". Not only how history is a product of the historian's perspective -- that's pretty obvious, but why/how people do certain things; take certain actions, make decisions. The fundamental drivers of events.

There was this fantastic line about, "the smallest of incidents, the junction of a dizzying range of alternatives." The line was followed by reference to "the utter randomness of it all".

Which got me thinking: What if I never found that blog? What if I never left that note?

32 and a half

Remember when we were kids, we'd answer the question "How old are you?" with the "and a half" bit if it was less than 6 months to our next birthday?

Q: How old are you?
A: Nine and a half.

OR

A: Nine going on ten. (Because really, we need to clarify the number that comes after our age.)

It sounds silly now, but I still remember with strartling clarity when I'd disclose my age in this manner. I guess 32 and a half isn't too old yet.

Raining and getting wet are two different things

So it was drizzling this morning. And as I was walking in the drizzle with my head down and the collars of my raincoat turned up (I forgot my umbrella) I thought about how it is at home, where rain has nothing to do with getting wet.

On rainy days (just like sunny days) I'd drive my car to work and park in the basement of my office building. I'd take the elevator to the 9th floor and voila, I'm at work. My feet never touch wet pavement. If it rained it took as long as 90 minutes to get to work with the traffic, but I was dry.

Now getting to work (door to door) takes 20 minutes. But there is some walking involved. So there is a chance I will get soaked if the rain suddenly poured. It is a fact of life that umbrellas are only useful for drizzles.

When you're walking in the rain you get to thinking -- maybe 90 minutes of traffic isn't so bad.

Pick a side, any side

While walking to catch the tram this morning, I was again annoyed how Hongkers walk on all sides of the sidewalk, in all directions.

Sure, the cars and buses "keep left", but you will be surprised to note that there is no equivalent rule for pedestrians, not even for escalators! Sometimes it's keep left other times it is not. The randomness creates a system of sheer chaos on sidewalks. Not only are you dodging men lugging produce or construction materials, you need to cris cross yourway to keep up with the particular group of people you happen to be walking with.

And while I'm venting about sidewalks I should also say -- for a country (or should I say Special Administrative Region) that runs commerce and industry at lightning speed, people in Hong Kong walk slow. Much slower than people in NY and slower than some parts of Manila. Isn't that odd? You can arrange for mutiple "real-time" wire transfers on line, but you can't walk 50 feet without bumping into a dozen people.

The Bather

I think I've mentioned that I have two neighbors on my floor. I haven't seen either of them. One of them I haven't even heard.

But the other guy (or girl) is well, a little strange. He or she is constantly taking a bath. As in constantly. It's as if the shower next door is used in a greenhouse and it's set to go off for 5-10 minutes every hour.

I'm not sure how many baths are necessary for a clean and healthy lifestyle. Two a day should be plenty. But The Bather is constantly in the shower. That or he's growing plants in there.

And I thought it was the cows that were dumb....

Check out this story that made it to the CNN headline page.

Out of school youth

I was watching the History Boys last night and there were scenes of the guys checking out books from a library. Researching for the sake of researching. Studying. It felt weird watching them. I had that nostalgic sense you get watching people do something you used to do a lot but now no longer.

I spent 20 of my first 24 years in school. That's a long time. And then a couple years after that, I went back to school. That's 21 years of formal education. That's a routine that's hard to shake. A way of thinking that's difficult to break free of. The whole student psyche. The whole being young and being in university or grad school.

But once you do break away from that time in your life, it becomes so distant so quickly. Like you never really spent that much time in school. Like it was just a small part of your life. It is indeed, but you feel so far removed from that whole environment, even if it just has been a few years.

This whole growing up thing feels strange.

The thing is that I live in China....

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration today said that consumers should throw away any toothpaste they may have that was made in China because it may contain a poisonous chemical used in making antifreeze.

Full story HERE.

Paano na ako ngayon? I live in China! Does that mean I should stop brushing my teeth?

I wonder kung may P-X dito...