Jobing at metlog

This is an excerpt from my chat with S., wife to Wonder and mother of the boy-genius Carlson (my godson). The text has been edited for brevity, clarity and to correct spelling errors. But the punch lines are real. You can’t make this stuff up.

S: Wonder is travelling to London, will be in Hong Kong from Saturday to Tuesday.

J: Why will Wonder be here till Tues?

S: Yeah. wala lang. stopover ng cathay ang hk di ba?

J: yeah... but layovers don't usually take 4 days

S: well, he asked me until when i can take a leave, and i said probably tuesday

J: i see... and where pray tell were you intending to stay?

S: why, at 168 apartments of course!
128?
186?

[Note to reader: my apartment building’s street number, from where it gets its name, is 338.]

J: HAHAHAHA
sige pa

S: [expletive S. had me delete] ano nga ba apartment mo?
I know there's a 2
and an 8
it's 3 numbers
there are not that many permutations. This is not rocket science.

J: I am laughing out loud.

S: 128

J: It's 338.

S: of course not! you are misleading me on purpose!
It is 128.

J: don't you think i'd know where i live?

S: right. 338. ok. Fine.
STOP

S: i have a new bading word

J: what?

S: well first it was "anik-anik"

J: what does that mean?

S: which means, uhm, abubot

J: ok

S: or nonsense
as in "anong laman ng bag mo?"
"ay, anik anik lang"
"or anong laman ng contrata?"
"anik anik"
the new one i learned is "chak chack candy"
or is it chuck chuck candy?

J: I feel a blog coming on

S: ha ha ha
but do you know what it means?

J: um, hello?

S: so do you?
It sounds like chuk chak chienes

J: I think it’s pronounced chook chak tienes

S: fine

J: which just means "tienes", which just means "nothing"

S: so how do you spell chack chack candy? or C.C.C.
i am planning to use it in a sentence, as in
"wonder, may plano ba tayong mag chak chak candy?"
stop, it's so bastos. grabe!

J: so it means sex?

S: yep

J: i see. i love it

S: di ba? eh yung "wiz"

J: ano yun?

S: wala. as in "may alam ka ba diyan?"
"wiz"
except you prolong it -- so it's like saying wiiiiiz

J: do you prolong the "i" or the "z"?
i see

S: unless you string it with other words, like, "wiz ako alam diyan."

S: before the year ends bading na jologs na ako, i swear

J: so you will become a jo-bing?

S: gasp!
di ko alam yan!
jologs na bading!

S: you just invented that, no?

J: it's been around for ages [Note to reader: Yes, I just invented it. But S. didn't know that -- until now.]

like metlog -- metrosexual na jologs

S: oo nga, i think i should blog about this

Q: What do Bin Laden, Macoy and I have in common?

A: Our worlds changed on September 11.

• Bin Laden brought down the World Trade Center.
• Ferdinand Marcos was born.
• Jona joined the Firm.

Welcome, V!

Let us (me and my army of 5 readers) welcome my newest reader: V!

A few things we should know about V:

V can sing.

V and L have the most beautiful home. (Thanks for having us over. We will be back! -- that's not a threat...)

V and L were this close to being married by Ate V.

That would have really been a blessings in the sky.

Redemption

Ateneo won over La Salle in what was a very crucial UAAP basketaball game yesterday.

I was in town yesterday.

I didn't watch the game though. Didn't want to tempt fate that much.

I am redeemed.

I've got game

Monster's here from Oslo and she gave me reindeer ham and sausage slices.

Leave it to Monster to find the best gifts.

Maraming takk!

My unexpected meeting with the iPhone

One of the things I need to do as part of my job is to take propsective associates to lunch to woo them. To tell them how great the Firm is and how working in an exciting city like Hong Kong is the greatest thing in the universe.

This is a great perk, I'm not complaining. But after some time, the lines get old, and the conspiratorial whisper I give to the applicant, "It's ok, you can relax now, the interview is over" sounds rehearsed. I try to focus on the good food and the fact that I can actually bill lunch time, but the fact is, after a dozen of these lunches or so, they simply get boring.

Until yesterday, that is.

Yesterday, the kid in the funny looking pin stripe suit (these kids wear the funniest things) discretely pulled out what I thought was an i-Phone from his pocket to answer a phone call. So I said very calmly from across the table, "Stop right now. Is that that an i-Phone you have?"

This must have frightened the poor child because he did literally stop, look at me and say, "Um, yeah. You want to see it?" He then handed me the gadget.

Since I did now want to speak to the person pin stripe suit boy had on the line, I refused and said, "say goodbye first".

He then realized his mistake, apologize to both me and the caller, then handed me the gadget again. (This act did not go unnoticed. I put in a good word for the oddly dressed kid.)

That baby is amazing.

It's smooth, slim and sexy and has rounded edges. The touch screen works like magic. It's like the damn thing came shooting out of a sci fi movie ala Purple Rose of Cairo.

I'd never buy one though -- it looked too fragile. Like it would break or worse, get scratched, if I dropped it or put in my pocket. If I simply handled it. It is meant to be admired, behind a glass window.

No shit, Sherlock

I find it amazing that researchers in Germany actually spent time and resources to come to the conclusion that men fancy physically attractive women over those who are plain looking. (Actual CNN headline: Men want hot women, study confirms.)

Full CNN story HERE.

This reminds me of the "experiment" I conducted for my second grade science class. I wanted to get to the bottom of that question that has nagged every 7 year old child --

"Do cockroaches need air?"

And if you should ask, "how, pray tell, do you go about finding the answer to that puzzle?"

Easy. First I caught four cockroaches (if you knew me at 7 you would know that this would be a piece of cake). I put one pair in two empty glass bottles. One had the lid closely shut, and the other bottle's lid had holes I'd punched in with an ice pick (God, I can actually remember doing this!)

SPOILER ALERT: The results of the experiment may shock you.

At the end of the day (sorry, wasn't keeping a record of how long it took for the cockroaches to asphyxiate) the cockroaches in the bottle with no air holes died. The roaches in the bottle with the air holes lived for a couple of days. (To be honest I don't remember what I did with them.)

"I therefore conclude that cockroaches need air."

Body Jam

A long time ago I would go to tae bo (aerobic kickboxing) class. It was Chum's idea. After work we'd go to this dance hall "along the riles" near South Super Highway, and for one hour a couple of times a week, jab and kick and hook and bend (as if dodging a punch).

Those were fun times. We'd go and bicker about our classmates while we hung out in the waiting area, but when the class started we'd find spots in the hall that were the farthest from each other. So we could make complete fools of ourselves without the other one knowing.

A few weeks of that and you "figure out" the movements and can actually do them on your own (without helplessy mimicking the person in front of you). As with all exercise routines, the sequences of the movements contain patterns, and after a few classes, you're practially Billy Blanks (well, not really).

And now am sort of at it again. I go to the gym near my apartment, and they have these classes... they switch every day and I thought that yesterday was Body Combat day. Well, it wasn't. It was Body Jam day. And Body Jam is --

The ultimate dance-based workout! BODYJAM® is an intoxicating fusion of dance and aerobic moves. The blend includes the latest hip-hop, funk and Latin music set to pre-choreographed moves, leaving you with an experience you will not forget! With an emphasis on easy-to-grasp dance moves and breaking out a good sweat, this is definitely one of the world’s best dance workouts yet.

Good thing I can dance.

Spooting

Ever notice how balikbayans dress a little weird?

Am not saying puffed up polka-dot bloomers with leggings and shiny flats (that's strictly HK apparel), I'm just referring to the slightly different clothes they wear. Clothes bought overseas. There's a subtle difference (notice how I jumped from "little weird" to "subtly different") between how balikbayans and how local Pinoys dress. (The same can also be said about men's haircuts. A guy's haircut from outside the Philippines is markedly different.)

It's the same white shirt, but the one made in France or by Brooks Brothers has the buttons in the "wrong places" or has "too many buttons". It's the same khaki pants, the pockets are different. Not as many pleats; too many pleats.

My transformation started with a pair of glasses I bought earlier this year. It looks almost exactly like my old ones, but that part of the glasses that holds both lenses together, that short piece of metal -- the glasses I bought here has one that is uniquely shaped. And you wouldn't notice unless you look closely. But the glasses viewed entirely don't look "usual" because of it.

I've mentioned the shirts I made a couple of months ago. They're ordinary business shirts, but the fabric is thicker than what we have at home. Textured. The colors are "off" too. The lightest shade of pink you can imagine.

And my shoes! The decorative buckles are muted, but actually bigger.

Funny how slowly, ever so slowly, I'm turning into a balikbayan myself.

Remembering Nanay

My maternal grandmother died 15 years ago today.

I try to think of her as often as I can, so as not to forget.

Memory lapses, even when summoning up the most precious things.